Retirement Accounts, Remarriage, and the Surprising Truth About Who Inherits What
If you’re remarried and juggling a beautifully complex family—kids from different chapters of life, a new spouse, maybe even grandkids in the mix—then you already know planning isn’t optional. It’s a necessity.
You plan the holiday calendar like a military operation. You strategize vacations like you’re negotiating international diplomacy. And when it comes to money, especially what happens after you’re gone, you’re probably trying to make sure everyone is looked after—and no one ends up in a courtroom.
But here’s the twist most people don’t see coming: your retirement accounts—often one of your largest assets—might not go where you think they will, even if you’ve named your beneficiaries. And if you’re part of a blended family, the rules can throw a serious wrench into your plans.
Let’s walk through what really happens when it comes to retirement accounts, remarriage, and inheritance—and how to make sure the people you love don’t get left out.
The Law Has a Default Plan—You Probably Won’t Like It
If you pass away without a clear, legally sound plan for your retirement savings, the law won’t shrug and move on. It already has a plan for you.
That plan often has little to do with your actual wishes, and everything to do with rules created for a “default” family model—one marriage, joint kids, and no curveballs.
But blended families don’t fit that mold. Which means you need to be intentional, or you may accidentally leave your kids or spouse in a tangled mess of paperwork, probate, and hurt feelings.
If You Have a 401(k), ERISA Makes the Rules—Not You
Most people think that when they name someone on their 401(k) beneficiary form, that’s the end of the story.
It’s not.
If your retirement account is employer-sponsored—like a 401(k)—it’s subject to a federal law called ERISA (the Employee Retirement Income Security Act). Under ERISA, if you’re married when you die, your spouse is automatically entitled to half of that account. No exceptions—unless they sign an official Spousal Waiver.
This applies even if you listed your children (or anyone else) as your beneficiaries. Even if your Will says otherwise. Even if you and your spouse agreed verbally. No waiver = No dice.
That means your carefully thought-out plans—leaving the account to your kids to avoid tension or to balance out what you’re leaving your spouse—won’t work unless you’ve taken specific legal steps.
Want More Control? IRAs Might Be Your Best Move
Here’s where things shift.
IRAs (Individual Retirement Accounts) are not governed by ERISA—they follow state law, which is generally more flexible. That means you can name anyone as a beneficiary, and your spouse doesn’t automatically get a cut. No waiver required.
This opens the door to more nuanced planning:
- Want your children to receive 100% of your retirement savings? Possible, but spouse needs to be cared for elsewhere to cover their community property share.
- Want to split your IRA between your spouse and your kids from a previous marriage? You can.
- Want to use a Trust to manage how and when each person receives their share? Even better.
Using a Trust as the beneficiary of your IRA gives you the ability to:
- Set percentages for different heirs
- Delay distributions until a certain age or life milestone
- Adjust your plan over time—without having to update multiple accounts
It’s about flexibility, clarity, and control—all things blended families tend to need a lot of.
Don’t Let a Beneficiary Form Undo Your Estate Plan
Let’s bust a dangerous myth: Your Will does not control your retirement accounts.
Retirement accounts bypass your Will entirely. They go straight to whoever’s listed on the beneficiary designation form—even if that form is old, outdated, or totally wrong.
That means:
- If your Will says your account goes to your spouse, but your form says your ex-spouse? Your ex could get it, subject to state law.
- If you meant to split it between your kids but never updated the paperwork after remarrying? Your new spouse could get half—or even all of it—depending on the type of account.
This kind of mix-up is one of the most common (and preventable) estate planning disasters. And yes, courts will enforce the outdated beneficiary form. Every time. It is your express wishes that were not revoked or modified.
The Right Attorney Doesn’t Just Draft Documents—We Design Clarity
Too often, estate planning is treated like paperwork. It’s not. It’s personal. A keen focus on your assets and what you have built is essential.
Especially in blended families, it’s not just about who gets what. It’s about preserving relationships, preventing resentment, and making sure your intentions are honored.
That’s why working with the right attorney matters. Someone who doesn’t just plug your name into a template, but actually listens—to your family structure, your values, and your goals.
We work with families to build a Financial Asset Inventory—an inventory of everything you own—so that nothing slips through the cracks. Then we build a plan that ensures your retirement accounts, your home, your investments, and your legacy go exactly where you want them to. No surprises. No fights. No forgotten forms.
Bottom line? Your retirement savings are too important—and too often misunderstood—to leave to chance. Let’s make sure your plan reflects your actual wishes, not just the defaults in fine print. We are available Monday-Friday at 480 525-6244, and always by email. We offer a complimentary 30-minute meet and greet for new clients.
